Part 33: Episode XXXIII: You Don't Belong in This World!

Welcome back. When last we left our hero, Leon has just given Salazar the burn of the century, sending him crying home. It's time to put the runt down, so let's get to it.

Leon is shocked and awed he's now going to have to climb this tower.

Oh well, every journey starts with a single step and a volley of buckshot to the chest.

The Zealots, knowing their screen time is drawing to a close, won't make things so easy on Mr. Kennedy.

Yes, that is a flaming barrel rolling down the stairs. Yes, their final line of defense before Salazar is essentially hurling barrels down staircases. Yes, Salazar is pretty much completely fucked at this point...

There's two ways to deal with this dilemma. The hard way...

Or the easy way. The Ganado were kind enough to set up a makeshift scaffold right behind their barrel front lines. Even putting a ladder right behind where they're stationed. These guys are all about the hospitality.

More Zealots rush onto the scene. How the hell they managed that considering the only bridge was completely destroyed by the giant clockwork Ramon statue?

Never the less, time for a bit of their own medicine.

Huh. An exploding barrel dispenser. There must be a portal to Half-Life 2 up there or something.

Since one elevator wasn't enough for this tower, how about two.

Unfortunately, this one is one of those wonderful ones that won't operate under weight conditions.

So we'll just have to fix that right up. Reckless vandalism for one's own gain is fun.

Si.

"Too late, Snake! Now die!"

These jerks are so eager to make it into the game before the chapter ends they're pouring from the sky. If two or more are on the slow ass elevator, it'll come to a stop until they're killed or plummet to their death. The latter option is far more entertaining to my ears.

So go for those headshots and don't skimp on the pump action goodness.

There's also some ruffians that think shooting crossbow bolts are going to launch their film careers.

After a healthy dose of carnage, we can officially say goodbye to the Zealots. You were creepy, spooky, and all together kooky guys. You will be missed.

But, no time to mourn the fallen generic enemy type. We've a tiny man to catch.

An elevator ride and a few staircases later bring us to...

A line-up of health, ammo, a merchant and a save point. Can you feel the electricity in the air? It smells like a boss fight. The Red 9 has a new upgrade, if you're interested. Leon...he has other purchasing items in mind...

Heading into the big red BOSS FIGHT doors, not unlike those found in Super Mario World, Leon finds...

I'm really not even sure what the hell that is. Capcom is really big on the whole meaty, slimy, gaseous tentacle abomination theme, aren't they?

All that hurrah for ages about this ritual gig and it lasted a whole five minutes?!

"In the, 'my boss thinks I'm a total fuck-up and took her to that island before I got killed and lost her' sort of way."

Leon is a bit perplexed how he managed to get from the middle of the countryside to the coast in the span of one large castle.

Hey! That's Act 3! No peaking!

"I tip my hat to your extemporary lack of reasoning skills and cartoon-like incompetence."

And thus, Salazar was brutally violated in every hole available on his body, including ears, nostrils, and a few newly made ones.

As for the unnamed Verdugo? Let's just say tentacle on mutant beast violation is far worse than anything they could muster on an underaged Japanese schoolgirl.

Salazar was always about the kinky stuff. Little people, I tell ya. Nymphomaniacs.

Well, that was a bit of an anti-climatic end to the little guy. Can't say I'm really going to mi-

Jumping Jehosaphat!

Suggestive, to say the least...

This is how Leon's dad gave him the birds and the bees talk, too.

There's a sad man somewhere in this castle who gets paid to sit alone in a room all day and slam doors and gates shut.

Didn't I see this thing in Onimusha at some point? Or maybe it was Devil May Cry. Silent Hill, perhaps. Ninja Gaiden? Ah, forget it.

Leon, always with the observational humor.

This boss, you pretty much dodge the tentacle attacks, all of which are prompt dodgeable, shoot the eye thing there on the faceamajig, and then shoot the mutant Salazar weak point...

He does have an instant kill attack, in which case the mouth will recoil and Salazar will say some smarmy line. Despite turning into a monstrosity, he can still talk, unlike all the other bosses who follow a similar path. One last thing I should-

As I was saying, I should mention that down be...

*twitch*

Please...

Will...

You...

Shut...

The...

FUCK...

UUUUUUPPPP!

As I was saying...

Oh... Whoops... Got a bit carried away...

Oh well, he shat out a door. No harm crying over spilled milk.

"Ramon Salazar, you were a sad, strange, creepy little man and quite possibly the campiest character this side of Torgo. You will be missed."

"Pfft. Who am I kidding, I hated you ya little bastard. I left a save slot open just so I can kill you again later. Ciao.

Love,
Mr. Scott Kennedy.

P.S., what kind of asshat calls someone their middle and last name regularly? Prick."

Leon takes one last gaze at the scenic crazy, trapped filled Castle he'd just spent the last half a day in. Sadly, with Salazar dead, the whole place is likely to be repossessed by Acme Enterprises.

Oh well, they'll get by.

Down below, Leon comes upon a stash of supply refilling and a Merchant, who's bogged down with upgrades for near everything.

Of particularly note, is the Red 9's exclusive now being available, jacking its damage up to a very respectable 6.5.

As for myself, I'm parting ways with the Officer Lemansky Special in favor of the Stryker.

With that bit of business taken care of, Leon wanders into the next area.

"Hey! Didn't you have way bigger boobs in Resident Evil 2? What gives?!"

Leon S. Kennedy, pushing 30 and still awkward as ever with the ladies...

Bonus Content

We've finished Chapter 4-4 and with it, completed the Fourth Chapter of the game!

We now move on to the fifth and final chapter of the game... See you next time in:

ACT 3

THE ISLAND